by I have to ask: Do some women even recognize a good man when he’s sitting right in front of them? I’ve heard women say this repeatedly: “I just want a good man who treats me right.” But after my last date, I have to question if that’s really true or if it’s just something they say when they’re between toxic situationships.
Raphael Saadiq once sang, “I’m a good man, food on the table, working two jobs, ready, willing, and able.” That’s the energy I walked into this date with; wanting to show up, put in effort, and treat a woman the way she claims she wants to be treated. But I left that night asking myself, Does any of this even matter?
Let me break it down for you: I recently took a woman out to a nice restaurant; no fast food, no cheap chain spot, but an actual sit-down, full-course meal type of place. The kind where you’re not just grabbing a bite; you’re enjoying an experience. I opened doors, pulled out her chair, made sure she was comfortable, and even made sure she didn’t have to reach for her wallet all night. I set the tone for a proper date because that’s how I move.
But from the moment we sat down, it was like I was there alone. She kept picking up her phone, scrolling, texting, and laughing at messages that had nothing to do with our date. And if she wasn’t on her phone, she was bragging about all the people who happened to “know her.” Now, I get it; being social is fine. But when you’re on a date, isn’t your attention supposed to be on the person who brought you there? I could’ve been at home, saving my time and money, but instead, I was competing with her iPhone and her social life.
When we finally got to the part of the night where the conversation should’ve been flowing, her presence seemed clouded with distractions. I got a long monologue about her life, needs, exes, and everything about her. Not once did she stop and ask about my interests, my goals, or even my experience with the date. It was like she assumed I should just be happy to be in her presence.
And let’s talk about effort because it was non-existent. Even when we hit the dance floor later, she felt distant. No chemistry, no connection, just going through the motions like she was checking off a box on her dating schedule.
But the real kicker? When the night was over, she knew I had a long drive home. I wasn’t expecting a love letter or a grand gesture, but a simple “Did you get home safe?” would’ve spoken volumes about her character. Instead, silence.
Yet, when I dropped her off, she had the nerve to say she had a great time. She told me I made the perfect choice in the restaurant, and even said she was looking forward to our next date. Wait… what?
How does that work? Because from where I was sitting, the energy was all off. The whole night, I felt like I was just there as an accessory to her evening, not as someone she was actually interested in. So, now I’m left asking myself, should I even waste my time?
And here’s another thing: Men want to feel appreciated too. Women aren’t the only ones who deserve compliments, affection, and effort. Ne-Yo said it best in “Good Man”: “I just wanna be everything that she needs, I got a halo, I’m not an angel but I’m really tryna be.”
I went out of my way to make sure she had a great experience, but not once did I get real feedback or any genuine appreciation. A simple “You look nice tonight” or “I appreciate you taking me out” would’ve gone a long way. But instead, it felt like she just expected everything without giving anything in return.
And I’m not saying this as some guy trying to prove his worth. Society says a man should be tall, financially stable, educated, and have his life together. Well, I check those boxes. I’m over six feet tall, I have my own house, I drive nice cars, I make multi-six figures, and I’ve put in the work to build a solid foundation for my life. I’m not looking for a handout; I don’t need anyone to save me, and I don’t expect anything I’m unwilling to give in return.
But at the very least, I’d like the effort I put into a date to be acknowledged and reciprocated. Because at the end of the day, being a good man isn’t just about having a job, taking care of business, or treating a woman well; it’s about having someone who actually values you for it.
Ne-Yo said, “Every day I wake up and go to work for my baby, and when I come home, everything is all gravy.” But what’s the point if a man is showing up, doing everything right, and still feeling like his presence is an afterthought?
This is where the problem comes in. Some women claim they want a good man, but do they know what that means? Are they mentally capable of having a good man? Someone who will take you out, make sure you feel safe, treat you with respect, and genuinely put in effort. But if that’s not even noticed, then maybe it’s not that good men aren’t out here; they’re being overlooked, played with, or wasted on women who don’t know what to do with them.
And if that’s the case, let’s stop blaming men for being “emotionally unavailable” when the truth is, some of us have been ready; we just keep finding women who aren’t.
So, what do you think? Am I being too harsh, or is this exactly why good men are starting to move differently? Let’s talk.
